Get all 13 Philip Labes releases available on Bandcamp and save 30%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of CANNONBALL!, it's the guns, Winter, Autumn, Summer, Spring, Out Of Time, In My Apartment, and 5 more.
1. |
dear god,
02:25
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Dear god, maybe my letters haven’t reached you.
Did you change addresses recently?
Did I forget the stamp?
Dear god, I know that letters are a classic,
But I figure you’re old-fashioned
So I thought I’d take the chance
Dear god, did you see that movie with Jim Carrey?
Did you think it was funny
Or did it make you mad?
Dear god, I know it’s gauche to ask for favors
But maybe you could save her
From the cancer that she has
A hundred billion letters, and they’ve all gone unanswered
Maybe that’s not fair of me to track…
Dear god, I swear I’m not as desperate as I seem
So if you get a second, write me back
Dear god, thanks for the soil and the sky
If that’s even your department, maybe that’s someone else
Maybe you’re the pestilence and chaos kind of guy
In which case you and your stupid kid, can go go hell
Dear god, sorry for that stuff I wrote you last time
The cancer ran it’s course, lately I just feel confused
Did you not get my letters? I put on some extra stamps
I feel like you could have saved her, but you weren’t in the mood.
A hundred billion letters, and they’ve all gone unanswered
Maybe that’s not fair of me to track…
Dear god, I swear I’m not as angry as I seem
So if you get a second, write me back
Dear god, I know it’s been a while since I wrote ya
But I’ve been doing yoga, I swear I’ve gotten zen
I like being alive, I’d like to keep on doing it
But so did everybody else and it never worked for them
But sometimes in the forest or the wide and blue horizon
I feel something rising, I know that I’m okay
When I’m sitting in a sunbeam, or laughing with my lover
I write you an angry letter, but then I throw it away
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2. |
aftershocks
04:15
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The other night there was an earthquake
I ran outside in my boxers
With my laptop and my passport in my hand
In my head it was the big one
I imagined my apartment
Turned from concrete into rubble into sand
And every night since then
Around twelve-fifteen AM
As I'm cooling down and getting into bed
I feel my mattress start to shake
And I'm jolted back awake
But it always turns out it's in my head
Nobody tells you about the magnitudes of heartache
When you think it's done there's more
And I'm swaying like a waltz
Under lines for all my faults
Somebody ought to nail me to the floor
Aftershocks
I forget sometimes that I'm just living on a rock
I take walks
But we're never really over
There's a chasm in the clock
And you don't pass with the dawn
You go on and on and on
With new people I'm afraid
I might have to run away
Near my bed I keep an extra pair of shoes
And to ease my troubled mind
I check seismographs online
But nobody else is picking up on you
And it only takes one person
To convince you for forever
That you don't live on solid ground
I'm not stable, and I ache
And my furniture all shakes
Even though you're not around
Nobody tells you about the magnitudes of heartache
When you think it's done, there's more
And I'm swaying like a waltz
Under lines for all my faults
Somebody outta nail me to the floor
Aftershocks
I forget sometimes that I'm just living on a rock
I take walks
But we're never really over
There's a chasm in the clock
And you don't pass with the dawn
You go on and on
And on my back in my bed
I get the shakes
I'm still awake
All alone in my head
Everything breathes
Everything breaks
Nobody tells you about the magnitudes of heartache
When you think it's done, there's more
And I'm swaying like a waltz
Under lines for all my faults
Somebody outta nail me to the floor
Aftershocks
I forget sometimes that I'm just living on a rock
I take walks
But we're never really over
There's a chasm in the clock
And you don't pass with the dawn
You go on and on
And on and on
And on
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3. |
goodbye lover
04:16
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We were driving back from the cabin, drove into some two story town
There were fairgrounds set up the evening with people from miles around
And we snuck in when the guards weren't looking and played
We ate junk and took photos and lost all the games
We were a ferris wheel round and around
With beautiful views you can't get from the ground
But beautiful things always come to an end
Goodbye lover
Goodbye old friend
We watched a thousand hours of TV and too many comedy shows
We told a thousand terrible jokes and borrowed each other's best clothes
Dead of the night you'd start shaking unable trying to breath
Working through trauma that I wasn't ready to see
We were a midnight panic attack
Where a beautiful pain lays you flat on your back
But beautiful pains always come to an end
Goodbye lover
Goodbye old friend
I don't accept
The phone's going to ring
Somehow we're going to go back
To sleeping in your bed
Bodies entangled
While I'm listening for your breath
Then came the night where I knelt just to cry in a corner, my palms on the floor
Then came the nights where we tried to sleep with the ghosts of who we were before
And some part of me wants to love you until I am gone
And some part of me is just tired and wants to move on
Soon we'll be figments, and pictures we took
The voicemails you left me, the unreturned books
And even the missing you will fade in the end
Goodbye lover
Goodbye (goodbye, goodbye, goodbye) lover
Goodbye old friend
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4. |
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I was a few years older in school, but that doesn't matter on winter break
Two musical theatre non-practicing Jews, trapped in Floridian hell
Heart of December at sixty degrees, we wore our flannels anyway
Walked down dirt roads past confederate flags
And I never asked and you couldn't tell
Happy Hanukkah, what did they get you this year?
What will we become, when we can get out of here?
You'll go to New York and I'll go to LA
I'll be in the movies, you'll write all the plays
And will we still be friends? 'Til the end, oh 'til the end?
Your parents are rich, you summer in Prague
But they like the dog a bit more than you
And when you come over and see that we're broke
You don't make a joke, I think that's pretty cool
We meet at a lot off of I95
We aimlessly drive, Christmas radio
And every bar has a country-rock band
So we walk on the sand and pretend that it's snow
Happy Hanukkah, what did they get you this year?
What will we become, when we can get out of here?
You'll go to New York and I'll go to LA
I'll be in the movies, you'll write all the plays
And will we still be friends? 'Til the end, oh 'til the end?
Time, wonderful time, we used to wish it would pass us right by
I, I knew that I, had a good eye, what a wonderful guy, you turned out to be
Now you live in New York and I live in LA
We both changed the dream but we both stayed the same
And you're still my best friend
'Til the end, oh 'til the end
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5. |
every morning i'm born
04:01
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Where is she, she's not here
Halfway light, pillow tear
But she's gone, oh that's right
Hello dark, take me night
Had the dream, what'd she say
Fictional, or memory
Now the tone slips away
Can't hear ghosts in the day
Every morning I'm born
Who am I, can't remember
In that place between places
There's no more pain
Where the music is hidden
and time's an illusion
Is it you that I see
Or a misfiring brain
Plastic teeth by the bed
Put the plugs in my head
Block my eyes from the light
Disappear every night
There's the rub, are you gone
Do you dream from beyond
We could meet if you do
But I doubt that it's true
Every morning I'm born
Who am I, can't remember
In that place between places
There's no more pain
Where the music is hidden
and time's an illusion
Is it God that I see
Or a misfiring brain
I should sit on my bed
And feel my feet on the floor
I can't live in a dream
But I can't live here anymore
Six AM, panic blast
Time for school, missed a class
Oh that's right, half a laugh
That was long in the past
I should rise, meet the day
Things to do, bills to pay
Sorry love, I can't stay
You can go, I'm okay
Every morning I'm born
Who am I, can't remember
In that place between places
There's no more pain
Where the music is hidden
And time's an illusion
Is it God that I see
Or a misfiring brain
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6. |
threeways
03:43
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She shows us her bedroom and says that we'll have to be quiet
She kisses you harder, I memorize it from above
Years later I'm not still not sure why that night feels so important
Behind the cheap fantasy, I wonder if it's because
Through her eyes I bet it seemed like we were super in love
The three of us out on a date, us and your ex-abuser
His salt's in the food, his words are mixed into the wine
You taste him on my tongue and get angry and scared and elusive
So for years, you said you were healing, you said you were mine
And if he hadn't been there, would we would've been fine
One two three ways
Of looking at everything
Yours, mine, with distance and time
The truth, and the lie, and the sting
And the three ways of looking at everything
You gush on your feed, I watch through a shallow glass filter
He's practically perfect, he's everything I couldn't be
But I'm in the wine and the salt and the joy at the table
If your walls aren't so high it's 'cause I cleared out the debris
Of course you feel better, you worked out your problems on me
I get anxious standing up for myself with my new lover
And when she is honest I'm still not sure how to behave
With no cruel accusations, no battlefield under the covers
I'm walking on eggshells, I'm trying to finally explain
Even after their gone, the third person always remains
One two three ways
Of looking at everything
Yours, mine, with distance and time
The truth, and the lie, and the sting
And the three ways of looking at everything
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7. |
i wanna go home
03:38
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Mother is watching an old time movie
while Father's asleep on the couch
And Sister is still on the phone with her friends
pacing outside of the house
And I'm in the hallway, watching it happen
Feeling a strange dissociative feeling
Watching myself as I watch them and reach out to touch
I love them so much
I, I want to go home
I want to live life in familiar patterns I already know
I want to be held by my mother and told that I am not alone
I want to go home, I want to go home
Our neighbors come over with presents and whiskey and Father pulls out the guitar
And Sister sneaks off with her friends to enjoy all the drinks that they stole from the bar
And I'm in the kitchen, watching it happen
Somehow it feels like my job to remember
All of us here together doing alright
For a moment in time
And I, I want to go home
I want to live life in familiar patterns I already know
I want to be held by my mother and told that I am not alone
I want to go home, I want to go home
Mother's adjusting her hair for the camera
while Father is teaching on Zoom
and Sister is telling them both not to worry, we'll all be together so soon
And I'm on the screen, my face in the window
Watching the world that I took for granted
If you let me survive, I promise I won't disappear
No I'll be right here
And I, I want to go home
I want to live life in familiar patterns I already know
I want to be held by my mother and told that I am not alone
I want to go home
I want to go home
I want to go home
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8. |
oz
04:31
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You're a tin man
A machine
With an iPhone in the place your heart should be
At the slightest indication that you might end up unseen
You get mean, mmm
And I'm a scarecrow
Stuffed with hay
I designed myself to scare your love away
At the slightest whiff that somebody might love me anyway
I get afraid, mmm
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
Keeping our relationship in place
Don't look too close, cause underneath the makeup
These tears are melting me away
You're a tornado
And now I'm pretty sure I'm not in Kansas anymore
So blow wind blow
The golden road is weary but at least it's colorful
I thought you could fix all our flaws
But there's no such land as Oz
"You're a lion
You're a beast"
That's what you tell me as we tumble in the sheet
But if I don't perform then it's a chilly couple weeks of critiques, mmm
And I'm a munchkin
Two feet tall
When I saw you growing I get small
Full of bitter feelings that I soak in alcohol
'Til you call, mmm
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
Keeping our relationship in place
Don't look too close, cause underneath the makeup
These tears are melting me away
You're a tornado
And now I'm pretty sure I'm not in Kansas anymore
So blow wind blow
The golden road is weary but at least it's colorful
I thought you could fix all our flaws
But there's no such land as Oz
I clicked my heels said it's not real
The last year was just a dream (just a dream, just a dream, just a dream)
I thought you came from the blue to wave your wand and fix me
You're a tornado
And now I'm pretty sure I'm not in Kansas anymore
So blow wind blow
I'm golden road is weary but at least it's colorful
I thought you could fix all our flaws
But there's no such land as Oz
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9. |
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I am almost all better
I don't sit by the phone
I don't count on a burner account all your smiles while I'm sitting alone
I am almost a person
I stopped grinding my teeth
Almost more than a pile of clothes walking around while containing my grief
Night into day every day stays the same until it doesn't
Six months away from okay if I stay far from you
I have moved a whole mountain
I have drowned in my tears
I have crossed through the valley
I have faded my fears
Please don't darken my doorway
Please don't sputter and pray
I am weak as a willow
Please don't ask me to stay
You can keep the good restaurants
You can keep all our friends
I'll take the deal just to keep how I feel
Just to heal from the things that you said
I cut you out completely
And it's not because I'm strong
If I was I could handle your touch
But I clutch at the chance to hold on
Day into night I recite every fight like a warning
Six months from now I'll be out in the crowd and be fine
I have moved a whole mountain
I have drowned in my tears
I have crossed through the valley
I have faded my fears
Please don't darken my doorway
Please don't sputter and pray
I am weak as a willow
Please don't ask me to stay
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
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10. |
wintertime
03:29
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It's grey, it's white and it's grey
After my show you gave me a bouquet
Yellowest sunflower, red cabernet
But everything sweet is just hidden decay
It's white, it's graphite on white
I handle my pencil and think of your bite
I scribble my lyrics and worry all night
I'll never be so loved again in my life
And am I going to feel like this every single day for the rest of my life
Wintertime
Just go to bed, it's not gonna happen
Wintertime
Tomorrow I heard it'll snow
Wintertime
Ice on the lake, tracks in the cabin
Let's rest for a time
It's going to be fine
It's green, it's yellow and green
It's snotty and rotten, a jealous machine
And look at my numbers up there on the screen
From my predictable typical dream
It's red, magenta and red
The stains that we left from the wine on my bed
I wish I had your body, I wish I was dead
I wish that you were the you in my head
And am I going to feel like this every single day for the rest of my life
Wintertime
Just go to bed, it's not gonna happen
Wintertime
Tomorrow I heard it'll snow
Wintertime
Ice on the lake, tracks in the cabin
Let's rest for a time
It's going to be fine
It's going to be fine
If I let the snow cover my colors
Going to be fine
I've got nothing to lose, lose, lose
It's blues, it's whites and it's blues
I made four records to get over you
When I look back at the colors I used
Did I get better or dig at the bruise
It's black, it's black and it's black
It hops down my throat and it sits on my back
The emptiness seeps out of every crack
The nothing that nothing can ever hold back
And am I going to feel like this every single day for the rest of my life
No
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11. |
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I used to say I'd never be unhappy
I thought that that was something I could do
I said, I won't let my twenties start to trap me
Other people must grow old
Their jokes get jaded, hearts get cold
But I can keep on being twenty-two
Now I read my lyrics and feel foolish
I've got room for everything inside
So when you say, "I don't think I can do this
I've exercised and said my prayers
But still the pain's too much to bear
And this time it's not gonna be alright"
When you say
"I'll never be happy again
I'll never be happy again
where is my violin
I'll never be happy again"
We had a trampoline in our front garden
One night I fell and bled out in the dark
See every story's only what you sharpen
What went wrong we were kids
I choose what the story is
I choose what to carry in my heart
You say "don't you dare mess with my emotions
Your toxic positivity's a bore
"Don't show me the mountains or the oceans
Hit the bricks, leave me alone, I've got nature on my phone
I would rather sink into the floor"
"And never be happy again
I'll never be happy again
where is my violin
I'll never be happy again"
When I'm lost from the light
When I cannot find a reason
To get out of bed
To make some tea
Don't give up the fight
Every feeling has a season
I'm not alright, but I'm gonna be
You don't have to ever feel all better
Certain songs may never fade away
But let my love be your favorite sweater
It took a year to finally know
Pain will come and pain will go
But stick around and it'll be okay
And you will be happy again
You will be happy again
I cannot tell you when
But you will be happy
You will happy again
One two three four
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